I've been riding the bus for over 10 years now, and in that time I've gotten to know several of my fellow riders very well, and when there is a certain mix of us on the same bus, friendly smart aleck banter spars back and forth, and usually before we know it we are entertaining (or annoying, I'm not really certain) the entire bus with our ridiculousness.
Well this past Friday was such a bus ride. My bus buddies and I got to talking about funny poop stories. You know, stepping in dog pooh, tracking it everywhere and getting it stuck in the tread of your shoe, and other such stories. So, I decided to chime in with my poop story, because well, to tell you the truth I still can't believe it even happened.
Let's back up about six years. I had just moved into a newly built neighborhood with my family. Only about three out of the dozen or so homes on our street were moved into (confession: I have no idea how many homes are on our street). The others were on the market awaiting their new families. Houses for sale mean open houses on the weekends. One Saturday my sister and I decided to go & explore the houses that were up for sale. You know snoop in our soon-to-be-new-neighbors homes while it was, well not really snooping. We set out and slowly began to work our way up the street. We were amusing ourselves poking fun at ugly counter tops and how glad we were that ours was so much better looking. We envied the house with the nice bookshelves and lovely view of the trees. It was a quiet afternoon. Just one real estate agent wandering in and out of homes just like my sister and I were.
As we were meandering through one of the houses the undeniable feeling of I've got to go, and I've got to go now came. I realized that although it's only about a 2 min walk, if that, to my house, I cannot make it. And so I make a decision. I dart into the downstairs bathroom and take care of my business.
But, there's a problem. There. Is. Not. Any. Toilet paper! So there I am, stuck and bit annoyed at the real estate agent who did not foresee the need for a roll of toilet paper (okay, perhaps that was unreasonable of me, but in the moment I needed someone to blame). After confirming, "No I cannot just pull my pants back up and go home," it is decided that my sister will go back to the house to fetch some toilet paper.
So there I sit for what seems like forever. I mean seriously what can be taking my sister so darn long to bring me a roll of toilet paper? Finally, my sister returns. But the amount of toilet paper is insufficient. I ask why she just didn't bring a roll, and she explains to do that would be embarrassing (Really? There's like no one outside), and as to what took so long, well she of course had to take the time to find a bag to put some toilet paper in so as to avoid "embarrassment". After a minute or two of frownie-faced sister bickering, she leaves to go & bring back an entire roll of toilet paper.
Then, the dreadful happens. I hear the back door open, and then close. Then I hear the ping ping ping of heels. My heart starts to pound as I realize that the real estate agent I saw up the street has just entered this very house! Seriously? My mind races:
My sister needs to get back here now. If only the toilet was not so far away from the door, I could just lock the door. Why did they make such a long galley-like bathroom anyhow? What am I going to say if she opens the door?I hear the real estate agent walk past the bathroom door, and I think I hear her go to the upstairs. Phew, safe for a few minutes, I hope.
Finally. My sister returns with a roll. I motion for her to lock the door, finish up, and then we go to the door and listen. She's still in the house. We hatch a plan. On the count of three I'll flush, then my sister will open the door, and we'll dart out the back door, which is thankfully just on the other side of the bathroom door, and then we'll run like hell home. 1...2...3... Flush!
As you can imagine, the retelling of this story sparked laughter among my bus buddies, and those on the bus listening to our conversation. In fact, a few had some pretty clever retrospective remarks I could have used if the real estate agent had opened the door: "Just leaving my down deposit!" Or "Just making an offer!"
After I shared this it-really-could-have-been-even more-embarrassing story, others on the bus also shared their own stories, or those of their friends, and we all had a great laugh as the bus carried us each closer to our homes, fully stocked with toilet paper, so that we could begin our respective weekends.
**Photo is of a magnet on the door of K&L Grooming**
